kristin has been a bad kristin
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
