I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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