I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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