someone threw a dead crab at me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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