I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
