In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
