Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
