Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
