I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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