P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
