How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
