Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
