Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.

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(425): View more from Washington

He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.

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(512): View more from Texas

the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

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(248): View more from Michigan

We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that

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(1954): View more from

You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

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(713): View more from Texas

walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...

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