no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
