He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
