Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
