you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
