Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
