Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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