you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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