So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
