I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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