one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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