oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
