i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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