I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
