hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize