if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
