My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
