Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
