Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
