she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So here I am, sexting at work.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
