if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
