A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize