dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
