The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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