My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
