Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
