dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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