he wants to bone in the snuggie
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
