explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
