i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
