Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.

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(917): View more from New York City

Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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(407): View more from Florida

Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

(1-334): View more from Alabama

Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!

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(209): View more from California

The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

thank you pre-med degree.

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(310): View more from California

OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP

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