This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
