i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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