people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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