I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
