as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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