I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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