Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
