You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
