Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
