Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
