exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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