He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
