In America we eat man semen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
