Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
