every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize