i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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