I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
