we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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