I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
