Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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