What a fucking waste of an outfit
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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