i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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