How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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