She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
