Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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