chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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