we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
