Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
