Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
