lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i came on her dog
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
