I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
bring money and cleavage
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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