I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize