im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
