Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there is glitter all over my balls
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
