her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
