I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
