..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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