The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
