Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
