I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
