I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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