No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize