this beer tastes like vomit already
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
