happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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